In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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