A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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