i was born a porn star she said
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
