Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
