she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
