you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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