I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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