upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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