The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
