Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
