Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I supernannyed him into submission
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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