Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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