dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
