You smell like a Billy Joel song
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
