what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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