The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
