I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She has the best kind of daddy issues
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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