You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
