It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize