Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
