The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
