I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
