he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize