Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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