I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
