Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
