Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
