great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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