i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
