i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
