she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
