He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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