He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
