I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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