My girlfriend figured out who you are.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
