Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
