Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
