You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
