Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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