I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize