Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
