Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
