i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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