Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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