piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You should frame my arrest warrant.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
