I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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