she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
True college students do jello shots in the library
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
