Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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