i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
