I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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