another moral hangover. fuck.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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