fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
