you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
