Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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