i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize