I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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