I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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