The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
