Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
