toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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