How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
