There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
