I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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