What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize