I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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