Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize