the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
