He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
