I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize