we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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