We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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