Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
