Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
