the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
