she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
