He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
