I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
