ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
