WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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