just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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