You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
