I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize