Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i dont even know how to be here
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
