I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
