I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
