saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
