i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
