Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
