You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
