You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Green mimosas i think yes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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