Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize