Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
