remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This beer is not sobering me up at all
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who died my cat blue again?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
