The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
