I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
