I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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