My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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