woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize