Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize