How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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