I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
