yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
