"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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