I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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