Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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