She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
