So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
