He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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